contains mild peril

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

exactly what I was thinking

I was looking at 43places and all the places people want to go to, want to do and came across this guy. I gotta get in touch because, although he doesn't want to go anywhere, he's wondering about exactly the same things as me - an example:

"Watch a Chicken kill an Otter
Chickens have sharp noses but they also have sharp claws. Otters are fast and have sharp teeth and can swim in the water as well as the land. It would be cool, just once, to see a chicken come out on top. Maybe if it was a real big chicken and a small otter it could happen. I'm going to pray to God for this one."

As one does with rude words in dictionaries, I looked up Stevenage and amazingly someone had been there. she said it was a "shithole".
Difficult to argue with that, especially as that was all she said....

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a fib comes back to me...

I visited a place in Virgina (US) about 10 years ago (friends lived nearby) and the town was very 'quaint'. Lots of "antique" stores selling 19th century americana. I have vague memories of lots of lace. and a 60's Ken and Barbie dolls - antique??

One thing I did do (why..?) was go into a bakery and get their pecan pie. For some reason I told the lovely girl there that their pie was "famous" and that it had appeared in a guide book. I bought 2 pieces.

complete flannel from me but the pie was delicious and both pieces were very large.

If you ever go I suggest also going into a bakery on the main street and saying this. Ok, for me it was a spontaneous fib, but hell, it made her very happy. And now, my fib is kinda true as you are being recommended it… kinda...


a site you can't argue with

or shouldn't argue with.

Followed a link on Shaky Kaiser's blog to this gem of a site.

how can you not love a site with the imortal words:
"It was time to get out the rifle."


now what will I wonder..?

ooh - got another!
god, today I got broadband and coupled with an unusual sleeplessness, I'm online-giddy like its 1995!
This is something no one i know remembers (this is a theme in my life) but this was a must see for me. at the tender age of... god - somewhere between 5 and 8!!! I was fascinated but i can't believe i actually followed it. Mind you, maybe this programme set a trend for the way i think - its got a lot to answer for! (halfway down) - the "Fan Companion". hmm, now i have fond memories but...

ho hum. that kills the two things i was wondering about... best go to bed then....


I wonder...

now, I have no idea if you're similar to me (I suggest not screaming at strangers at the top of your lungs if you are) but I tend to wonder about things and not do anything about it.
An example of this was about a program that I saw years ago on Channel 4. It was during that mid-80's period when all dramas seemed to be wilfully obscure until the last episode when all the strands were brought together. Mind you eeven then it was a bit of a struggle and left you thinking you'd missed something. maybe an episode or two.
This program was called "Brond" and starred John Hannah and Stratford Johns. Now, the annoying thing was that I could remember all these details but noone I knew or met (or screamed at) could. annoying. but not annoying enough to find evidence of it and send it out to people with a "ah ha - this is the thing i was wittering on about".

Now I have broadband, am idle online and no cares of cost of stoopid browsing AND remember that I have this odd wonder about something inconsequential. Stick all that together and you get:

Throughout human history sleepnessness has had no companion. Now it has the internet. maybe there is a god, but now I'm too busy browsing to wonder about it.


Thursday, November 24, 2005

well, what would YOU say..? in fact did you get something similar??

I'm on looking for lurve. Or lust. or just sex. Once I find any of these I'll know what I was looking for I guess. What I've had is a few nice afternoons and evenings. Nuff said.

There are quite a few people scamming along the lines of this corker:

"Good afternoon, also can be good evening.
First of all I want to name to you my name. My name - Irina.
I already very much during long time dreamed to get acquainted with the foreigner.
I have been involved always with England.
I think, that England this very good place to live and remove family. I think, it
England will like those people which want to work and happy. I think, it
I the good woman and I want to have the best life. I want to remove family, and I want
To enter into a marriage sometime! I the young woman. To me now 29 years and I think, it now
When I already enough adult it am necessary for me to think of a private life. For this reason
I have addressed to the Internet in search to my soul mate. Now it is very popular.
I understand from structure which you also in the soul mate of search and I would like to speak with you!
I am not confident anyway, that you receive my letter. I am not familiar with the Internet
And I only have carelessly found this site, and it speaks, which many people have found
The love and now is happy! I want to try also!
I think, which I should tell about me a little. I think, that I the attractive woman.
I have white hair of the blonde and dark blue eyes. I 5 " 8 " high and I also 121 foots to weigh.
It is a pity, that I cannot apply a picture for you. If you will write to me the letter directly
To mine E-mail I promise, that I shall send you a picture!
If you have interest in the Russian woman, I shall be pleased to receive your letter. Only please
With me to be serious. I sincerely hope, that you the good person and you will write to me.
Until then I wish all of you the most good. Write to me soon. With hope, Irina.
On october 13 2005

ps I have inquiry to you, that you have written to me on this address of e-mail:"

I'm guessing she'll want me to pay for the first date. And flight.

But I got this yesterday and couldn't figure out if it was a setup or not:
"tell you something? your starting was not so great...let's say...but the rest quite seem quite English, basically for so many please please i read, so what can you tell me about yourself?
what does make you smile? your prefered meal?
your best holiday?"

Now I think she's legit, so I replied. I'll keep you on tenter-hooks as to what happens.


oh god, its making sense now...

urgh. doing a bit of freelance "website audit" work. Just a little to remind me of why I'm on holiday.

God, I opened the "brief" from the client, to discover a Powerpoint presentation cobbled together from existing presentations (I think justifying what the site is for, why it needs funds probably), with a coupla of specific slides slotted in answering the proposed questions we actually had for the audit. Actually this isn't such a huge surprise - usual stuff. BUT I'd forgotten what shite can be written in the cause of 'business'. So much turgid lingo bullshit eg this beauty of a slide:

Obtain information about developments and implementation of international HR & Benefits policies & processes:
  • Access to market information on international benefits practices
  • Benchmarking compensation against competitors
  • Standardisation of benefits programmes
Corporate governance & risk management
  • Identifying and managing global pension risks

So I thought "huh huh, at least I'm gonna blog this stuff later.." Now I've gone back through it after working with it for a few hours and Christ - it makes sense!

I'm doomed I tell ya... we're all doomed...

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

the perfect site...

fantastic! the internet is a truly wondrous thing... the perfect site: where you can... yes, meet wealthy people. "Millionaires" to be precise. I just had to click-thru as I'm "in-the-market" and got taken to another website, provocatively called I guess this relates to the age gap.

Apparently you are "psychologically tested" to ensure that the matches are not a waste of time, but how one "psychologically tests" the size of a woman's breast is beyond me...
mind you, you have to psychologically test the size of a guy's dick as its gonna be 5cm shorter than they think it is....

come to think of it, is that "breast" or "breasts"? ...

...I think too much...

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

me and the kids are too stupid to read this, so please don't publish it

mayhem is being caused i tell ya, mayhem...

There's a publisher of poetry which releases a book each year to schools (or so it seems). This year the theme was "Important leaders in history" and a 14yr old boy has written a poem from the point-of-view of Adolf Hitler thinking about the Jews. Lots of "I hate them, I think they are bad/ thinking of them makes me sad." Actually, although I guess it won't be shortlisted for any awards its not bad for a 14 year old - hell, most of it rhymes...

Now, controversy is being stirred as an MP from Liverpool Louise Ellman, who before she actually read the poem was "alarmed" and had told the publisher that she thought that it was inciteful, was going to 'write to people' and believed that it should at least be awarded an ASBO or something. A Jewish newspaper had taken some of the lines and made hay with them "hatred taught in schools" or somesuch. Hopefully that journalist has at least got some impressive press clippings to their name, and lets hope their careerism does no harm to anyone writing peotry in schools.

Jesus, I've just remembered that I had a painting censored at my school when I was 15 or so! There was a Parents' evening and the school wanted to put up some paintings by the sixth form on a wall - bit of colour and talent and such while people worried about their kids' grades and stood in corridors that made them only slightly less nervous than hospital corridors. I'd finally got the hang of paint (most of the colours were 'as-you-see-them' rather than Fauvist) and had taken 3 photographs from a compilation of Picture Post articles in a book (leant me by the art teacher - a bad influence no doubt....). So, a picture of Alfred Hitchcock and some actress was painted in front of a bombed building looking at a dead soldier. Blimey! I can see how that would upset people! I mean, the perspective was a tad dicey around Hitch due the different camera angles, I mean I tried but...
Anyway it wasn't bad for a 15 year old and was going to be put up, but the Headmaster apparently vetoed it!! My art teacher was almost overcome with pleasure that I could've ruffled the feathers of the Establishment at so tender an age... oh what would become of me...? and such a nice family....

anyway, back to the 15 year old boy (Gideon I believe - very religious name.... suspicion grows....). I think he was shot. or gassed.

too right.

for an objective piece including the facts i was too lazy to write
for the views of a very stupid person who is happy to make money while inciting hatred read Julie Birchill - an idiot

blair blair blah

"the end is nigh for Blair?"

yeah, maybe. However most interesting thing i heard earlier today was who asked Brown to come back from the Middle East? The whips? maybe or maybe not... It may have been very canny gamesmanship indeed (though this doesn't sound like him):
If Blair "wins" then (it could be seen) only because of Brown.
If Blair loses... well, he loses and Brown is seen as almost pityingly loyal and 'sound'.

probably just the situation he was put in.

Lots of "this was Blair putting himself on the line... a test of his leadership..." etc. Lots of pretty pissed off MPs saying "Hey look, I voted because of the issues and the argument, not because of whether i was for or against Blair and I resent you saying I ain't got a brain..."

the next 2 days will tell whether momentum takes 'it' away from him. "Events" will be the most important thing (if there's any terrorism anywhere in the world it will be leapt on by his side. As '90 days' will be a "recruitment sergeant for terrorism" lets see how canny Al Q is...)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Purgatory is an overlong wait to leave from an airport

Brilliant. I'm at the airport bored shitless. Nowhere to sit and here far too early. Draw the checkout girl while she's not looking just to pass the time (is this the first steps towards stalking people?) She reminds me of someone but even this game of trying to figure out who begins to pall (after a few seconds). I'm really dehydrated and have only a few zloty left. Just enough for one drink. Not a pint (even if there was a bar) but I go for coffee. Without thinking I order an espresso as the last one I ordered in town was a tall glass affair even though I knew this wasn't 'right' somehow. oooohhh lucky me, at the airport they know that it should be a thimbleful of strong diuretic for a dehydrated eejit.

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

thinky thinky

Why, I don't know, but I was relating my story of being pretty seriously beaten up in London (broken jaw, fractured eye socket, fractured rib - I'll regale you all with this one at another time). But Ronda pointed out something which kinda hit home in a way it hadn't before. My reaction to it was simply to get through the recuperation. She on the other hand would have naturally told her parents and got some TLC, but that idea horrified me - my parents would've gone nuts with worry from that moment on. Sure, they'd have been upset should they have later found out and me not to have told them, but by then they wouldn't have seen my face, would have seen me well and it wouldn't have been so 'real'. Ronda pointed out though, that I had noone to care for me during that time (perennially single) except for housemates who couldn't "take me in" (as she put it) in the way a partner can or a mother. Made me realise that I've missed much more than plentiful sex all these years, and is still keeping me thinking...

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life through a glass darkly (or something...)

Just said goodbye to Ronda - I'm off to Kracow, then the UK. Has been fantastic for me to see her and it seems I was exactly the right person for her to see right now. She's a real people-person, a great laugh, bright, spiky and intelligent. And she's been in a country where language and culture (different kind of humour, different references, inherent sexism) have to my mind stifled her somewhat. Eastern Europe has also obviously been a great time for her in many many ways but still... there was a sense of isolation that upset me.

Ronda and I have had almost diametrically opposed experiences of life. She moved around a lot as a kid, has been in 2 serious relationships for the last 12(?) years, and has lived in different cultures. That's pretty much the exact opposite of my experiences, yet we're quite similar people. How we differ is that she's a risk taker, whereas I'm naturally risk averse. But for both of us we have a vicarious interest in the other's life experiences (grass being greener and all...)

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Banksa without the graffitti (ok that's lame i know)

Ronda and I travel on to Banksa Stivianka - this is a beautiful hill town that's on the Unesco list of protected towns. Its really picturesque and the Unesco aspect must be frustrating for locals but its kept their town free of concrete block buildings (which undoubtedly woulda come along), even if it leaves abandoned buildings crumbling, awaiting someone who can actually afford to do them up. Everything is on a slope of cobbled streets and I know we could have stayed here overnight and done the place justice over 2 afternoons. Mind you eating out would've been interesting. Or not as the case may be. The one thing I wouldn't go to Slovakia for would be the food - lotsa meat, lotsa cheese, often together, but neither of any great quality.


its so sooper to see yoooo

See Rachel again and get a tour of her home town Banksa Bystrica. Meet her parents who are around for the All Saints day holiday. Her mum is fantastic and knows Ronda from before. Keeps saying "Soooper" but actually has very good English. The fact that I am barely able to string a sentence together in one language is frankly humiliating. Its nice to actually see a 'real' family rather than just stay in hotels.
(weird - a drunk in an off license asks me where I'm from and also says "sooper" as do 2 kids walking along talking in Slovakian. "Super" must be some phrase used over here in advertising or something...)


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

a nice up of tea...

Meet another Slovak friend (Jorga) and the four of us have this fantastic conversation over tea. I mean, really chilled out. Go back in the morning for breakfast and then on to the castle to go to this tea place. Basically a couple of guys have hired a room in the castle and transformed it into an Indian inspired chill out tea place. Its actually a really good spot, where you can sit for hours over the same pot of tea and they'll simply bring along more boiling water. Can't imagine they'll make much from it, but I have such a great time with these 2 girls that I end up buying six 50g bags of loose tea for friends (I think someone was secretly filming me buying the tea but to hell with those bloody modelling contracts...)
This girl Rachel is very special. She speaks half a dozen languages, and has really got her head together. Very reflective but also good fun. and sorted enough to say things like "I'm really proud of who I am at the moment. But I've got a long way to go..."
Shit, I'm nearly 10 years older and still not as sorted!


as luck would have it (as a form of planning)

Went to Zvolen in Slovakia. Old market town with a castle, where my friend wanted to take me for tea. It was closed and in a typical Ronda moment she called a friend that she knows lives in Zwollen yet had not been in contact with for ages ("Hi, yeah, I'm in Zvolen - where are you?"). Through sheer luck, her friend Rachel is actually in town for a few days and we meet up in a coffee place. This is in an anodyne mall cafe, exactly like millions of others across the world. Well, exactly like them if they also have tacky realistic paintings (think Athena but not airbrush) of nude women in Playboy poses. This was slightly odd until i saw the one where the woman was on all fours "presenting" from behind. Kinda incongruous with the middle class parents and all the kids playing.

I try and keep my eyes on the people I'm with.